Now that everyone has become much faster by reading the Books I recommended last time, you will NOW hear how EVIL Books are.
Be very careful what you read.
Books can destroy beliefs.
They can proof your mother wrong, your father gullible, your best friend a lier, your neighbour a headless chicken (though THAT is probably a good thing) and your teacher a lost case.
They can spoil simple pleasures in life.
They can, for example tell you what a real burger should be and you will be FOREVER spoiled.
Never will you be able to return to those heavenly times when somebody could place a shapeless lump a dead animal in front of you and you thought: “Burger!”
Never again will you be able to enjoy burnt meat sludge wrapped in paper maché bread, topped by no cheese containing white glop, dead salad and sauces with a sell by date of 2424…
It happened to me.
Reading “the sunday times cookbook” (sorry can’t find it right now, otherwise I would give you it’s proper title) years ago turned me into the biggest lier whenever it becomes inevitable to eat somebody elses burger: “Can I have more of this delicious sauce?” meaning:” more Glutamat to drown the no- taste taste of the meat”.
“No thank you no bread: I’m on a Diet” Ha. I never ever go on diets. Ask my friends. Impossible. Too greedy!
If YOU don’t want to become a bad bad character in life, a lier, a high maintenace Burger eater, a spoiled person, DON´T continue reading this post.
If you’re vegetarian don’t read it either.
And here’s the secret to becoming a Burger-meister, from the “Sunday Times Cookbook” (Only available in antiquarian bookshops unfortunately.)
Take very good quality Steak meat AND it’s FAT.
And chop it BY HAND.
With a very sharp knife. This is very important, as you want the fibres of the meat CUT not squashed! (Texture texture texture!!!) And include the FAT!
Chopping by hand may sound horrendous, you will be surprised how easy it is. Trust me!
Chop as many onions as you can handle. Many many many. And glaze them in a Pan in LOTS of BUTTER!!
Crush Pepper. Lots of it. Or ask somebody else to do it. Add Salt. Lots of.
Mix it all in a glass or china bowl.
Ask somebody, who is good at it, to form some nice burgers.
Ask somebody else, who’s not afraid of Monsters, to pick Salad from the garden.
Go on: burn the buns.
Have somebody show you what to do with tomatoes: drying them on kitchen towels, to avoid sogginess (What a good IDEA!)
Bake potatoes in the oven.
Make somebody else again lay the table.
Tell Alex to do the Burger, CAREFULLY.
Plonk the g..da…. cheese on it, if you must.
Bossing everyone around.
How I´m lovin it!