A Lady‘s secret Desires.

Do you know what Burlesque is? Och, ja? A playful erotic, theatrical way by which Women take their Clothes off without revealing it all?
Nein.Burlesque is what Porsche does with their gorgeous Hybrid 918 RSR.Revealing a bit here, a bit there, showing a sexy curve, a delicious texture, giving it to us, taking it away again, dressing and undressing, cameras stroking it, inviting us to caress, never letting the eye rest. It‘s a feast!
They are playing it so well, pulling all the right triggers, with the dreamlike sequences of the 917 at Le Mans, making a myth come alive. I‘m dejá drooling all over the floor, craving to be handling the car.
It‘s such perfect seduction, done with such ease, that I wonder why this it not happening more often with modern cars.
Admittingly the 918 RSR is no daily fare, yet how come neither I nor any of my girl friends are ever seduced by modern cars? (Except, you might think, by some retro designs but that‘s just the point: they are not modern.)
Why is nobody interested in making and selling a car to me and other female adults? Males joke about us going shopping as therapy, but I can tell you, there is little danger for me going to Chanel, but God help me and my bank account when I see a workshop with any old car!
Women buy handbags, shoes and dresses in stratospheric price ranges, where they could get a very handsome car, thank you. If there was one to take their fancy. Or if it would make sense to them. Women don‘t take cars seriously, meaning they buy cars for different reasons as men. Amazingly women are very capable of taking a buying decision, if they are tempted into it.

Oh dear.
Women and cars.
It´s a topic naturally, painfully close to my heart.According to a high up General Motors Dude, who I had the pleasure of sitting next to at a diner in 1998, most woman dreamed of black GTIs back then. They wanted mens´Cars, macho cars. ´most woman?´ ´Jaa, all women´. All women working on the same floors and offices as these men. I don´t think any other. I think so because they didn‘t ask any other. I know so because the person telling me about what women really want, did not want to hear what I had to say about the subject.I wasn’t experienced. I was just a housewife, not a professional: how should I ever obtain knowledge on the subject. Logic?
Another dude (a Designer, a Chief (= God ) designer) looked at me in horror and despise when I asked him what women with four children, dogs and perhaps, nannies should drive and answered, eh, a Touran!‘ UUUUUhhhhhhhhh. I think he would rather be seen dead than driving that thing.
Look around: The BMWs, the Audis, certainly all Mercedes cars, SUVs, even the Golfs and Passats, they are all masculine cars. Cars made for men: men on the career ladder, men on the move, men on Top, or men getting there, men at work, men at the wheel, men in control, men behind the bill. The visual Vocabulary of most Vehicles on the road is masculine.Yes, OK, I am different to many women because I am meshugge about cars, but still I don‘t want to be a man. I don‘t want to drive a modern car in which I look like a man. Equally I don‘t want to drive a thing making me look like a Bimbo! Why don´t they built cars for grown up Women?Anybody out there? YOU: Why don‘t they make cars for: WOMEN, HOUSEWIVES, LADIES ? (just to let you know: these are not different species!)

So here they come: a lady‘s secret desires, as you guys never dared asking.
A ´too late for christmas´ wish list; the I want` list:First of all I want a car I look good in: gosh. Nobody has ever told you that guys, have they: I want a car which makes me look pretty, beautiful, poised, elegant, witty, charming, interesting, attractive, wise, but not SILLY! Most small cars with somehow OK styling make their female drivers look stupid. Sweet, but idiotic. Not long ago,in the eighties, if you drove a Mini everybody thought you were pretty. (NO, I didn‘t tell that my non-Mini driving friends. What a bitch).Today if you drive a Mini… (no I`m not going to finish this one, but it could finish like this: “you look rich and stupid. Not pretty or whacky or fun“No no, that is not the official finish of the sentence, because it would be mean to say so.)I want a car I can park, without causing damage to myself and everything within a 50 mile range! Not some huge fat plonking dumping stupid polluting aggression causing fat machine. Parking is a number one problem here because I‘m crap at it.( You don´t need it in racing). And I don‘t want to forcefully cruise (hate it) for hours through town just because I need to find a parking space the size of a Mississippi steamer. It should be like this: I just ´park ´n shop´. Not a major operation, otherwise I‘m tempted to make a day of it and TRULY go shopping. Yup: for Hours. Just to make up for endless hours, spend looking for a parking spot.

At the same time I want car that´s not too flashy! I am human,I get up as late as possible and end up taking my children to school dressed in my pyjamas. Embarrassing. I‘m a mess. Don´t look.

Furthermore I want a ´democratic´ car, that does not spell: ‘S-O-C-I-A-L-C-L-I-M-B-E-R‘. So uncool and doesn’t fool anyone: As long as you climb, you not on top. If you‘re on top you don´t need to climb, you can relax. If you don‘t care you can relax too. Simple. (Can YOU tell suburban SUV drivers so I don´t have to? Thank you!)

Nor do I want a car to be boasting about ´my husbands Status´: I want my JEWELS to do that: you men just don´t understand: status is displayed before equal gender and women don´t understand cars! (That to all the begriffsstutzigen Husbands out there: give us jewels, give us many and give them soon!)

Consequentially I need a cheap car, so I can bash it around, not making my heart bleed when I overlook yet again some idiotic, mean, stupid pole or ugly flower case hiding itself from my mirrors and annoying bleeping useless sensors.

I almost forgot and I shouldn´t even have to think about it: maximum safety for my children, their friends and me. And not just us: also for the people OUTSIDE my car. I have to be able to see them even if they are just very tiny people. ( SUV Car= Bad car, it runs into you and you run nowhere ever again) My car must get also at least 5 stars in any crash test!

I don´t need a very very fast car for my daily routine. Taking the children to school doing 150 km/h in town is great fun for them, but just once. The rest of the time mummy spends in prison and they walking.

Contrary to what most people think I don‘t need reliable cars: if woman brakes down, sooner or later man will stop and help her. Poor Creature.

I also don‘t want a car running perfectly for hundreds of thousands of miles. I need a decent excuse to go shopping again!

My car also has very little do do with my life style: as a woman, I wear it, I don´t drive it.

So far colour has not played a major role here, but women like colour, and I think Audi´s colour scale is not directed at women, not directly: it´s directed at men so they don‘t drive around making women blind.
Thank you Audi.

Ok
Stop right now.
Anybody out there still?
Thank you
Welcome to the New Year!

8 Comments

  1. p.kilkenny says:

    Happy New Year Gabriele!!
    I have enjoyed your post of the seductive side of the automotive and especially Porsche’s side of a women’s brain!
    Here to more driving in the new year!

    Pat

  2. Oly Express says:

    Gaby,

    great explanation! Now I have a plan: sell my SUV and buy my wife jewelry for that! Then relax and use my 1970 Plymouth as a daily driver :-)

    Hey, wait a minute, I not own a SUV and ride my bicycle back and forth to work in order to stay fit for racing! Hmm… probably not and excuse not to buy jewelry for my wife!

    Cheers,

    Christophe

  3. Arneyb says:

    Gaby, sorry I dont fully understand you. My wife looks sexy in her Super Useless Vehicle. To be honest I think she will look sexy in every car. But she looks best in her Targa. … OK I think now I understood.
    Yesterday I made a bet with her: I will be faster on the Nordschleife with her SUV than she in my Porsche, support allowed. Do you want to be her coach ?

  4. Pat, yes! Hopefully much more driving in Cars, which are very very seductive..
    Christophe:cycling finally makes sense! I shall take that up for thinew year!!
    Arneb:Oooohhhhhhh Yeeeeeees. Brave man, facing his darkest hour!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Alfa Romeo Giulia Sprint GT Veloce.

  6. Anonymous says:

    If you do a google image search for “car for women”, as i just did, you are confronted with millions of thumbnails of scantily clad and amply endowed ladies draping themselves over potent vehicles. Oh dear.

    You’re right: there’s not much out there and definitely no funky, practical, sexy, pint-sized hybrids.

    Looks like I’ll be sticking to the u-bahn and my bike in the meantime but mine’s a porsche 928 (nice round ass) or a cinquecento (preferably vintage) or maybe even a BMW 1 series hatchback.

    BTW have you noticed how many men ride women’s bikes?

    Greetings from Berlin,
    Rachel

  7. Anonymous: Alfa: yes Ok.I take it!
    Rachel: I haven´t noticed how many men ride women’s bikes, but I shall certainly look out for them now. 928 Porsche is a fanstastic Car. Every time I see one desire strikes! I hope you find a decent example soon!

  8. stephen hart says:

    The curves on a car are very much like the curves on a woman.

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